When She Cries
by nyafor5
Summary: I'm lost. With no one. No guidance. Nothing. I try to stop, I want too. It's hard. I look at my scars and cringe at what I've done. I Cringe at the gruesome sight. Petrified of it it happening once more. I asked the great and powerful for help, but is yet to been received. I could've stopped it, but I didn't. And then I found him. A oneshot I turned into a story.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Hey guys!So it's me, Maryna of course. Okay. This one-shot ( wondering if I should continue or not) actually means a lot to me. A lot of people that are close to me are going through more than you could ever imagine, and times get tough. I know sometimes it feels like you're all alone, but you're not. More people care about you than you think. It always gets better. I know sometimes it feels like it won't, but it will.I know sometimes it feels like your only escape, but there are many more ways.A one-shot based off the song "When She Cries" by Britt Nicole. Stay strong. I love you guys 333. Read and Review!**_

_****I own nothing but the plot… I honestly wish I owned HH. This show would have seasons non-stop if I owned it. Kk.****_

_**S/O: To my peeps on Tumblr!Love you guys 33**_.

I took the blade. The ache heals me. I trap myself in this hole, this room. The bruises sting, but it relieves me. This agony. This scar. I'm screaming, but no one hears me. I can sense a crack in my heart. A crack that's pleading to grow, and I want it to.

"_Little girl terrified, she'd leave her room if only bruises would heal. A home is no place to hide, Her heart is breaking from the pain that she feels."_

The days go by, symmetrical to the one before. The reflection in the blade stares at me. I don't want to, but I do. I don't want to break. Or hide. I try to find a direction, but I'm lead to my current destination. I hurt, but the pain is my pleasure. I asked him to show me the path, this is it.

"_Every day's the same, she fights to find her way. She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray."_

I cry. I cry to my loudest ability , no one comes for the save. I cry myself to sleep, no one tucks me in and reassures me it's okay. I need my mom, but she was taken away from me. From me to the one above.

_"She wonders why. Does anyone ever hear her when she cries?"_

I see them smiling, taunting me. I want to be happy, but the universe refuses. I want to drop the blade, but the pain disagrees. They treat me like I'm contagious, like arms length is the safest way to be, it's not. I need a hug, but I'm some type of disease. A disease that no one wants to catch. Nothing is okay. Nothing is alright, and yet they act like I'm not there. I am, but I'm invisible, well my soul is. You can see my body, but my soul is still trapped in my room. My room that left when my mom left, yeah that one. The room that kept my happiness with it, _that_ room.

"_Everyone's singing but she can't seem to smile. They never get past arms length, How could they act like everything is alright?"_

I left the bathroom, pulling down my sleeves so my pain wouldn't show. So my memories the scars left wouldn't be revealed, but no one would care. I want to cry. I want to scream. The blade, the ache. The only solutions that screams for me, except with no sound. No earaches. In all honesty, I want to be heard. I want someone to take the hurt away. Tell me it's going to be okay. Tell me that you're going to be here, and not only for a season. I want to be held. Held like I'm loved. Held like I'm the only thing that matters. In all honesty, I want to be wanted. And then I dropped. I dropped to my knees and I prayed. I need you.

"_Pulling down her long sleeves, to cover up all the memories that the scars leave. She says 'Maybe making me bleed, will be the answer that could wash the slate clean."_

I want my next time to be my last time, and never look back to the times that I looked to it. I want my last time to be my time. My time to finally find who I am. I don't want to look at my bloody reflection, but I do. I see a girl. A girl that's looking for an escape, and can only find one way out. A girl that wants to be loved. I see someone that wants to be secured and safe. So great was the extremity of the pain and anguish, that I not only cried, I shouted. I want everyone to hear me. I want attention, I do. I don't want to be invisible, or treated like I am. I'm not invisible, I'm alone. I'm fighting this battle, this one person battle. A battle with myself. The good, and the bad. The pain, and the pleasure.

_"Maybe making me bleed, will be the answer that will wash the slate clean."_

My belongings flew into the bag, each throw fuming with anger, with hurt, with anguish. Tears flowing down my face like freshly dropped rain. I want them to. Holding them in is destroying me, and I want them to flow. Flow and don't stop if that's what it takes, just no more holding it in. I want this to be the day, but this isn't the only time my mind has been set. Many times before I thought was going to be the end, but it wasn't. I go running back to the silver when it gets a little tough, and that's what I want to avoid. It's no good for me, I know. People change, things happen. My life's motto. I was the girl who brought the joy, and the main one to keep it flowing. _Was_. I was _that_ girl, but who am I now? I want to say my name, but I don't know who I'm referring to. The girl that I _used _to be, or the girl that I am now. The bag threw itself over my shoulder, and I take off. My legs not stopping until I made it to my spot. I don't like to call it that anymore, though. This spot. This spot where my mom made her decision. Her decision to end it, end it all. Her body in the air, until she landed.

"_Mom!Mom!"_

I hear my words echoing in the atmosphere as it did that day. That day when she decided she'd had enough of life, and it'd had enough of her. These tears sting. The tears hurt more than the blade. Tears show pain, and pain is my life. My life exactly.

"_She fights to find her way. She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray. She wonders why. Does anyone ever hear her when she cries?"_

They say it's the dark before the dawn, but what does that mean? It's never going to get brighter than this, I know. Don't tell me it will, it won't. Her name is carved into my ankle, I had it tattooed the day it happened. Nora Tate. My mom. My joy and happiness. The tattoo is the best mark of them all, it marks a special day. My life made an unexpected turn that day. I always wonder what I would be if it never happened, though. If she never made the decision. If I was still me.

I stood on the edge of the hill. I don't want to, but I want her. If I'm going to go, I want it to be the way she left me. No. I can't. I spread my arms, but I don't fall. I'm _not _going to fall, I'm going to stand up straight, and shout my problems aloud. My mouth is moving, but no sound is coming out. The tears. They are stopping me. They aren't letting me.

_"This is the dark before the dawn. The storm before the peace."_

I felt a strong breeze blow my hair back. It's her. It's my mom. I'm not afraid anymore. It's time to talk, talk to her. Tell her what I couldn't tell her before. My knees hit the ground, and my hands come together. I need to pray.

"Mom. If that's you, I just want to say hi. My life is not exactly gold right now, but I want to change that, for you. I've been kind of lost lately, you know? I just want to be that little girl that had the positive attitude, not letting anything bring her down."

The wind brushed it's fingers threw my hair once more, it's her.

"I haven't shown anyone, you're the only one I trust. Here are my scars. The ones that indicate what my life has been without you. I miss you. I miss you a lot, actually."

I brought my arm to my chest, I miss her. She was my reason to live, without her, I don't have a good reason to go on. I still try, though. I try, but for what is the reason?

"I love you. I haven't touched the guitar since you left. I know how special that ole' guitar is to you. I even wrote your signature on it. At least now you know why I've never brought home a discipline sheet for you to . I guess this is now, officially, goodbye."

"_Don't be afraid, Cause seasons God is watching over hears day's the same, she fights to find her way."_

My hands come together, well rested on my chest.

"God, are you there? If you are, I need you. I need you to help guide me into the right direction, and out of the wrong. I need you to help me. I want to stop cutting, I want to be happy, but I need help. I can't do it . If you hear me, please."

_"She hurts, She hides, She breaks, and tries to pray."_

My head rests onto the moist soil, and I cry. This feels good, much better than the blade. I take the sliver blade from my back pocket, this is the end. The end of me wearing sleeves everyday to hide my trail marks. The end of my insecurities. The end of the harm. The blade drops and falls from the top, I don't dare to look down to watch it hit the ground. I don't care anymore.

"You aren't alone.I'm here."

I quickly raise my head and turned towards the deep voice. This guy. This guy with dark brown hair. He pulls me into an embrace. At first I was tense, but I felt comfort when he didn't let go. This is the feeling I've been is the feeling I've been waiting to feel.

"_She'll be just fine. Cause I know he hears her when she the same. She fights to find her way. She hurts, she breaks, she hides and tries to pray ."_

I don't know what to say, so I say nothing. Maybe she sent him to me. Maybe this is the time I'm finally going to go about my word, and do the right thing. The right thing. The right thing, as in no pain, no tears, no breaking, but happiness. No more depression, or negativity. He is here for a reason. Thanks God, Thanks mom. I bury my face into the crease of his neck.

_"She'll be just fine. Cause I know he hears her when she cries."_

_**Phew!I am done here! Contemplating on whether I should continue this or not. Anyway, what do you think?Read..and possibly review maybe? This one meant a lot to me. If you haven't heard the song,you should listen to it! It's very motivational! I'm here for you guys if you ever need to talk about **__**ANYTHING **__**! Should I continue or..what? I know it's kinda depressing, but at least it got better at the end right?I do not own any of the lyrics, all credit goes to Britt Nicole for her wonderful song When She Cries.**_

_**Love you guys,**_

_**Nyafor5**_


	2. For A Change

**_A/N:_**** Hey guys! I've decided to turn this thing into a story, so let's see where this goes. Read...and then follow? And maybe you should throw in a review while you're at it...ya know ya want to.**

**_S/O:_**** To anyone that reviewed Cause your reviews make my day… That rhymes by the way. I'm a poet and I didn't even know it.. Also shouting out to my peeps on Tumblr. Oh and shout out to my tumblr bestie Jesse ..love ya Jess Jess..Anyway continue….**

**_"For A Change"_**

This guy. His sturdy grip into the crease of my spine, arching my back. Strands of my chocolate brown hair coating remnants of his skin. His hands. Slowly caressing the center of my back. I sniff in his sweet scent. Vanilla.

Bitter.

Sour.

Vanilla.

The keen winds blew through each wound individually. It stings. I had a dream, symmetrical to this one.

Desire.

Want.

Need.

This is right. I never knew what right was. Right was wrong. Wrong was right. Two opposing words. Meaning the opposite, confused between one and another.

My hood dances across the rear of my neck. It tickles. My sleeves move from one end to another, rubbing against each side of my wrist. I hiss at the pain the fabric against my wound caused.

It hurts.

It _really_ hurts.

He heard it. I know. The extra layer of heat long gone, each goose bump lasting on my arm.

This is it.

The tip of his shirt brushed against my mid-thigh as we parted. His eyes. I fell deeper and deeper into them. Drawing me in for more. My body completely under his hypnotization.  
Time.

It stopped.

For us.

For the moment.

My gaze fell low. To the ground, the whole while I felt his eyes following.

"Your name?"

My body grew tense. I let my lips take the wheel, not my mind. My mind. Think before you speak, never applied to me. This guy. His dejected expression caused the butterflies in my stomach to soar chaotically once more.

More.

And More.

This is what I do.

"Loren Tate."

I lifted my hood, my ears were freezing. His hands combed through my hair, placing the loose strands behind my ear.

_"Someday. Someday when you're in need._

_When you feel that the world is against you, or when everyone in it is._

_When you feel that you're at your breaking point, on the verge of cracking._

_Remember the good times. Remember the times you laughed, and not cried._

_The times you smiled, not the ones you frowned._

_You're not alone, it only feels like it._

_There's going to be that one someone. _

_The someone that makes you smile, even when the world around you is frowning._

_The someone that makes you laugh, even when everyone else tells you otherwise._

_I'm going to be there, though, _

_Don't worry."_

I feel them, stinging to come out. They did. The memories. As fresh as morning, plastered in my mind. I can't forget.

I won't forget.

_"It was the day of my sixteenth birthday. Most girls want fancy dresses, or nice cars. _

_I had my guitar and note pad. All I wanted. All I needed._

_My mom had just gotten me a new guitar pick. Not much, I know._

_That's the thing. That little guitar pick meant more to me than a new car, or a fancy dress._

_It was the last thing she gave me. The last day._

_The last laugh. The last song I played her._

_This little pick. _

_I still have it. _

_"N+L"_

_The two little letters engraved into it._

_Nora and Loren._

_My joy."_

I keep it, and hold on to it when I need a reason. When I need a push, or motivation. When I need a memory of her, and not the last one.

Yeah, not that one.

_"The world belongs to those who are persistent. _

_Even when the world around you gives up, you don't."_

My thoughts. Vanishing everything around me. Near to forgetting that he was still here.

He didn't leave.

I tried to regain my composure. I don't do this. I don't show weakness, nor vulnerability.

I didn't at least.

I was lifted from my damp spot on the moist grass and into his arms. Where it felt warm, and cozy. Where I felt comforted, and wanted.

I felt wanted.

Two years ago. The last time I felt like anyone cared. Two years ago. The last time I smiled, a sincere one.

Two years.

_"You don't know what you have until it's gone."_

The truth. The feeling after each scream pained me the most. I did this to myself. Letting the world get the best of me, I was left with the worse. I gave in.

I gave up.

I wear sleeves , covering my damage. Summer. Winter. Spring. Fall. Sleeves through it all. No one cared. No one asked me. After the death everyone left. I was isolated.

I was alone.

My dad left, dead or alive, I wouldn't know. A teen girl, in need of a parent. In need of love, support, and comfort. Something every child should hold.

Something every child deserves.

Feeling infinitesimally small. Diminutive to the surroundings.

I want a better life.

I deserve a better life.

A mom to talk to when you're attracted to a guy at school. A daddy to go to when you want approval for a dress you're wearing to the dance.

I have nowhere to go. I Left everything. My clothes, materialistic items. Everything.

I have to go back. That place is toxic. Feeding off of my misery, laughing at my pain. _That_ place.

It does something to me. Makes me feel like the better part of me is the worse.

I feel it.

The times I look down at my blood dripping down the sides of my wrist, into the sink.

It's an addiction.

Like a drug. I don't want to do it, but it's the only escape. It hurts. I let myself go. Dandy Loren Tate.

Loren Tate.

"I don't understand." I say in nearly a whisper.

_"Understand what?"_

"I don't even know your name, and you act like I've known you for years." I state harsher than intended. He knew what I meant, though. He caressed my left cheek with his free hand.

Slowly.

Gently.

_" True. But it looks like you could use the company."_

I could. This is what I needed. This is what I wanted.

"I should probably get going. They're probably freaking out right now. Wouldn't want to get them into a bad mood."

_" I'll drive you home?"_

"I'm fine."

_"You sure? I could-"_

"I'm fine."

I studied him. His actions, His expressions. I studied _everything_. Though I haven't known him long, I could tell he scratches the back of his neck when he's nervous .I studied _hard_. It's cute.

Very cute.

_"Well at least let me get your number."_

I hesitate at first, but eventually give in. He deserves it. The least I could do. He comforted me. Made me feel like someone cared. Though I didn't know him, it felt like years.

Decades.

I reached for his phone, putting my number into his contacts.

" Is L.T. okay? I'm kind of in a rush."

_"It's fine."_

I nod. I felt his gaze, trailing me as I walked away. Back to this hell hole. Back to this shell.

Back to reality.

* * *

I'm screaming inside. I couldn't find it.

The bandages. I searched rapidly, growing impatient as I looked for it in all the wrong locations.

I bit my lip, taking my frustration out on it. The taste of blood. I hear my 'parents' in the room next door to mine. Screaming at the top of their lungs. This is one hell of a life. My 'siblings' marking on my belongings, causing me greater frustration. "Boom!" I hear something slam into the wall nearest to mine. Melissa. The one 'sibling' that I get along with. The one I consider my best friend. We're in this together. I quickly left my corner and started for the room next door. Why does he do this? To Melissa. Melissa. As sweet as pie, treats her like nothing. That's exactly what she is to him.

Nothing.

" Mel! Mel! You okay?" I ask. Hoping she's in well enough condition to run. We're leaving. We're running away.

" Go pack your things. Make _no_ noise." I say to her in a low whisper. She nods as a reply.

We were ready for departure within minutes. We both were prepared. Sooner or later, we knew it was going to be time. The time is now. We tiptoed out through the door, careful to not make a sound.

I opened the door to the driver's seat of my car. The car that was formerly my mom's. _That_ car. I headed to the first place that came to mind. The valley. When my mom died I never sold the house. I kept it. The bills were always within my budget because I was never there. At the other house instead. The one that broke me down to my lowest point.

It's going to be hard. I know it is. Reminiscing about my past. Smiling at the good ones, but always remembering the worse one of them all.

We're here.

I pulled into the drive way, on the verge of letting it all out. Melissa made her way to the porch before me, so I threw her the keys to the door. I grabbed as many suit cases as I could in one trip, then made my way in.

Her sweet scent still strongly present. Cinnamon.

Strong.

Sweet.

Cinnamon.

Just like her.

I take in the scent a last time before crashing on the couch. I missed the hug the pillows gave me when I laid a certain way.

"We're finally free."

_"So whose place is this anyway?"_

"It was my mom's. But when she died all the rights went to me."

_"So how'd you manage to keep the place. I mean, unless you're hiding a stash of money somewhere in here I'm pretty sure you can't afford this place."_

"Those nights where I don't come home til midnight, the days where I leave the house before sunrise, I'm at work. Aroma. Ever heard of it?"

_"Only in the commercials."_

"The best shakes around."

_"I bet. I'm not all so innocent either, you know?"_

"What do you mean?"

_"I may or may not have gotten a job as a cashier at In-N-Out Burger. Not much, but it gets the job done."_

"Mmm. I see. I could use some In-N-Out Burger right now."

_"Mmm. Speaking of using things, I could really use some rest. I think I'm going to crash for the night. What room should I take by the way?"_

"First room on the left."

_"Gotcha."_

"Night!"

I reciprocate Mel's actions and head the same direction. My bed. No more chaos, or worrying. No more crying myself to sleep each night. Rest. I can finally, rest.

I climbed onto the bed, watching my feet dangle from the end as they did when I was little. I pulled the thick layer of sheet on top of me, causing each of my goose bumps to fade.

Peaceful.

Relaxing.

I closed my eyes, slowly. My legs had an ache to them. My body was sore, my mind was too. I needed this. I needed sleep. I rolled over onto the side of my body, finding the spot that made me comfortable. A long day.

One hell of a day.

* * *

**Yea, I know this one is short..Sorry bout' that. Ehh I know I know, it took me long enough to update. I sowwy, I'll try harder next time! I promise. Ehh Why Loren gotta be in such a rush? Things with Eddie were going good.. Of course! And who does this guy think he is hitting on Mel like that? Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Anywho, I'll update sooner guys..I promise!R&R!**

**Love ya guys,**

**Nyafor5.**


End file.
